They ain't gettin' any younger...

I'm still coming to grips with the fact that I'm going to have to wake up at 10:00am every Sunday and will be stuck watching the Chargers and Raiders. No more copious amounts of KFC and Mountain Dew while checking one of three laptops for constant fantasy updates. Yes, my NFL viewing habits will drastically change this season, but I'll just have to fight through it. Speaking of fighting through it (those transitions, just flawless), two of the best quarterbacks of all time are dealing with injuries heading into September. Both are absolutely irreplaceable, more so than any other players in the entire league. Both have won championships and have put up record setting numbers. They are both future Hall of Famers. And both currently have their head coaches forced to watch Matt Cassel and Jim Sorgi do...whatever it is that they do.


Peyton Manning answered all the doubters when he led the Colts to victory in Super Bowl 41. The Dan Marino comparisons were washed away and his legacy cemented. Having Marvin Harrison in his prime didn't hurt of course, but the 94.7 career QB rating speaks for itself. However, Manning is entering his 12th NFL season and turned 32 years old in March. He had surgery on his left knee back in July to remove an infected bursa sac. While he is only expected to miss at most the first regular season game, it's never a comforting feeling to have your starting quarterback have any kind of surgery less than two months before the season starts. How tentative will he be coming back? While his "laser rocket arm" might be healthy, it's Manning's knees that will continue to give him problems throughout the rest of his career. I don't know if there will ever be another quarterback like him who can call every single play right at the line. It's essentially running a hurry up offense every down. The Colts have been fortunate that guys like Reggie Wayne and Joseph Addai have emerged as premiere players in the league, but Indianapolis is a .500 team at best without Peyton. And in the AFC (and the AFC South in particular) that just ain't gonna cut it.

Tom Brady has a "foot injury." The last time he had a "foot injury" the New England Patriots lost the Super Bowl. In typical Belichick/New England fashion, no one is saying a damn thing about it. Brady turned 31 a couple of weeks ago but already has three Super Bowl rings. He's rich, he's marketable, and he's banging one of the hottest, richest women on the planet. So things aren't too bad overall for the former Wolverine. But at least with Manning, we know what the hell is wrong with him. Brady actually let it slip (against orders no doubt) that it is the same foot (right) that was hurt in January. And then of course there's the ubiquitous shoulder injury that has been listed on the injury report every week for what seems like forever. The Boston Globe reports that he did return to practice yesterday and may even play in the Pats' third preseason game. We'll see about that. After their third Super Bowl win, I thought it would be a smart move for Brady to retire right then and there. Of course, we wouldn't have been privy to the awesomeness that was last season. But does the New England front office see the writing on the wall? They drafted 6'6 QB Kevin O'Connell from San Diego State back in April. Between you and me, I don't see Matt Cassel or Matt Gutierrez ever successfully running an NFL offense.

Now if you're an avid NFL fan, I'm sure you're waiting in line to laugh at me and tell me that Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are second and third on the list for most consecutive starts among active QBs. I'm well aware. But with all that they have accomplished so far, and with the injuries starting to pile up, where does the duo go from here? Sure, both of their teams have a great shot at making the Super Bowl again this year, but what about 2009? 2010? Personally, I don't want to see either hang around for too long like some guys we know who will be throwing balls 10 yards past Jerricho Cotchery this season... Early 30s in NFL years is like late 40s in actual human time. (Probably way older for running backs and linemen.) So while I stumble out of bed earlier than anyone should on a Sunday just to watch sports, I'll have to rely mostly on highlights to follow two of the greatest players of all time try to stay healthy and grab another ring. Here's to watching Philip Rivers games instead...

I Love You, Universal HD

Unlike my colleague Billy, I have been thoroughly enjoying the Olympics this year. If for no other reason I enjoy being able to, at any moment in the day, flip the channel and see somebody do something better than anyone else in the world. One of my best surprises was finding out that a second channel, besides NBC, was showing content 'round the clock. What's even better, they tend to have the typically less-aired events. I've seen boxing, equestrian, water polo, handball, and more.

So tonight I'm folding my laundry and decide "hey, why not liven up this mind-numbing task with some O-Lympic excitement!" Seeing that NBC has switched over to "news" I got to my trusty new friend, Universal HD. And what do I see?

This:
That's right. Olympic freakin RACE WALKING. It's not that I've never heard of the sport before... I used to watch Malcom in the Middle just like you did. I've just never seen people who take it seriously in action. Emphasis not on the action.

I have to say I'm riveted to my set as I watch these brave athletes fight through the torrential downpour that's surely making it slightly less comfortable to walk in. I mean, have you ever walked for a while after stepping in a puddle? Yuck, no thanks. Walk on you brave soldiers.

The best part has been listening to these announcers fill over 30 minutes with commentary. I now know that international officials hold up signs to warn competitors that they are breaking form... that the race walking fans are an "intense, tight knit community"... that they had to put down a new surface because the walkers complained that the asphalt was "too hard"... and that competitors apparently chat it up during competitions. And of course I've been treated to such quips as "Kaniskina is really WALKING away with this one..." and "It looks like she's taking a WALK in the park". Oh Olympic commentating B Z Team... you clever bastards.

At least now I know that long distance race walkers get the same weird, creepy abs that all elite distance track stars get (see below). So, I've got that goin for me. Which is nice.

Also, nice tan lines. I know there's not much sun in England, but DAMN.

EDIT: Just heard "In a moment we'll see just exactly how wide her gap is." Giggity.

Man, I know what you’re thinkin’.

You’re like: “Hey, where the content at, holmes”? – Don’t worry, I feel you, but you have to understand, ain’t shit goin’ down right now in the world of sports. Baseball is happening, but only because it still has to. Pre-Season football is only interesting because it is meaningless but can still totally blow your team’s season (see: Pennington, Chadwick). Hockey… yeah, I don't really even know.

“But what about the ‘lympics”? - you’re asking in your mouth-breathing twang. Breaking News: Fuck the Ho-lympics! Michael Phelps is weird looking. The Dumb Nickname Team is beating up on squads whose countries’ GDP’s are lower than their back court’s salary. Most damningly, IOC out and out refuses to make the Eliminator* a sanctioned event. Volleyball is good, but mostly because of butts.

As you know, the Olympics were designed to give countries with crappy armies a chance to feel better than countries that kick ass. America does not need this.




Observe:

And this picture doesn’t even have a crying eagle or Dale Earnhardt in it.

Just because some Jamaican dude can run really fast and has a cool accent, doesn’t mean he’s better than us. Just because my creep roommate starts salivating whenever a “16 year old” Chinese gymnast falls down doesn’t mean he’s not still perving all over American pre-pubescents**. Also, no one puts on a badass fake fireworks display like the US of frickin’ A.





*The only true test of human mettle
**The greatest damn pre-pubescents on Earth!

Adam Man's Guide to Being Pretty Okay at Fantasy Football

*

Oh man... I'm pumped. It's finally fantasy football season again. And that means the most gratifying event of the entire season: the draft! The draft is the one point in the season where every player still has a bright ray of hope... just before their second round pick is suspended for abusing substances and they're forced with the decision of which Alex Smith to snatch off the waiver wire (hint: neither). I also love the draft because I'm generally too slow to pick up hot free agents during the season (stupid company internet filters) so I really need a great draft if I want a chance at contending halfway decently. And as a man who generally finishes between 3rd and 7th in just about every fantasy league I've ever played in... I know a thing or two about being halfway decent.

So I can't offer you tips on how to win your league... something I've never done. What I can do is help you build a squad that you don't avoid like the plague after week 5, one that will be competitive enough to keep you interested. Now right now you're probably asking "But Adam Man, why would you give out draft advice two days before your draft when the only people who read this blog are the other 11 people in your league?" Well, dear reader, why don't you mind your own business and stop questioning my motives? How about that?

So here's a hodge-podge of tips and tricks, broken into some lovely sections. How fun! Ready, go.

Start It Off Right:

1. Draft old faithful before young and exciting. Let's say you were sitting with the number 4 pick last year. You were probably thinking "sweet, Frank Gore's still there, he had a big year last year, he's my guy." And then you watched Mr. Gore plod his way to 13th in the league in rush yards and 21st in TD's. Not exactly great value for a top-5 pick. Meanwhile, you could have snagged Brian Westbrook, who consistently had been getting 1500+ total yards and around 10 TD's for years. When given the chance, take a guy you KNOW will perform instead of the guy you THINK will perform better.
2. Don't fall into the trap of handcuffing your starting RB's with their backups. It's great in theory, but then you end up replacing an injured Stephen Jackson in your lineup with Brian Leonard**. When you could have been concentrating on getting someone much better. handcuffing only makes sense if your guy's backup is the best player available.
3. Don't use a draft pick on a kicker. And you probably shouldn't even pick most defenses until the last couple rounds. This should be obvious by now, but it still needs to be said. There will always be a backup wide receiver to drop before the end of the season to fill your lineup.
4. Resist the runs. That's usually my advice for eating Mexican food, but it's appropriate in drafts too. Just because the two guys in front of you took tight ends, that doesn't mean you should take Todd Heap in the 5th round. Do you even have a #2 WR yet? No, you don't, do you. Shame on you. I hate to sound like a broken record, but pick the best player available, always. Your roster will fill out just fine, even if it makes you uncomfortable to see your favorite guy go. Thanks to Kate for providing this tip.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do:

1. Never, EVER, draft Steve Smith. No, seriously. I know what you're saying, "Why not?! The guy gets 1000+ yards and 7+ TD's every year! He's GOOD." Yes, I know that, but for every multi touchdown game and hilarious celebration, theres 3 games where he just disappears. As good as he is, it's infuriating that he doesn't dominate every time out. Trust me, from personal experience, Steve Smith is a guy who will make you hate fantasy football***. Let him frustrate somebody else.
2. Don't assume you'll be able to find a decent starting QB later than round 10. I always do this, I'm always pumped that I didn't reach for a mid-tier QB like everyone else, and that my WR and RB depth is solid. Then I spend the year shuffling between Jason Campbell, Matt Leinert, and Tavarius Jackson at QB. And it sucks. I'm not saying to reach higher than their value, but make sure you address the issue before it's too late.
3. It's fine to draft your home-town favorites to your team. Who doesn't love rooting for the same player for multiple reasons? But only do it if they're in the right spot. Otherwise you end up being like me, and drafting Laurence Maroney at #5 overall. All the Kool-Aid in the world won't make that pick look good.
4. Likewise, don't let your fantasy team impact your mood while watching your real team. Last year, every Heath Evans and Kyle Eckel touchdown made my blood boil... and it shouldn't have. My team just scored a TD, I should be pumped! If you can't separate fantasy from reality, my suggestion is to just avoid owning players on your favorite team altogether.

Shorter Tips That You're More Likely to Actually Read:

1. Even though Eli Manning won the Superbowl, he is still Eli Manning. Keep that in mind.
2. Know who you want, but always have at least 3 guys in mind a few picks before yours so you don't have to make a panic pick. This is where the TE run comes from, I think.
3. You live and die by QB/WR combos. Having Brady and Moss last year was magical for most of the season, but ruined you Week 15. Variety is key.
4. Even if you love a player, if he has a pre-season hamstring injury, run screaming in the other direction.

Guys I love This Year:

1. Alge Crumpler, TE, Titans - He'll be for Vince Young what he used to be for Vick, and that's a good thing.
2. Roddy White, WR, Falcons - Had over 1,200 yards and 6 TD's last year, and that was with Harrington/Leftwich. With Ryan/Redman he should be even better.
3. Donte Stallworth, WR, Browns - Should get lots of looks in this offense, and will stomp on the feet of anybody trying to get in his way.
4. Marion Barber, RB, Cowboys - Has proven for years he can get it done, and will finally get the bulk of the carries in Big D.
5. Calvin Johnson, WR, Detroit - Flashed his talent last year, will grow into a stud this season.
   
6. Rookie Running Backs - Darren McFadden, Jonathan Stewert, Felix Jones, Ray Rice, Matt Forte, Kevin Smith, and Rashard Mendenhall all landed in great spots and should contribute well. Look for Smith to be the best of the bunch.
   

Guys I Hate This Year:

1. David Garrard, QB, Jaguars - Hate's a strong word, but I expect some regression here after the big contract. I'm also not sold on Porter and Williamson yet.
2. Joey Galloway, WR, Bucs - This will be the year he finally breaks down.
3. Jay Cutler, QB, Broncos - Brandon Marshall's in trouble, and there's little else helping him in Denver.
   
4. Julius Jones, RB, Seahawks - Orange Julius will continue his run of awe-inspiring mediocrity.
5. Rudi Johnson, RB, Bengals - Remember what I said about lingering hamstring injuries? It's sad, but this former fantasy rock is anything but anymore.
6. Rookie Wide Receivers - James Hardy, Devin Thomas, DeSean and Dexter Jackson, Mario Manningham and company will all take some time before they become very useful, if history is any indication.

So that's it, everything I could think of for Fantasy Draft guidelines. Good luck to everyone as your drafts come up, and remember: trust your research. If you can avoid the temptations to do crazy things, you'll be able to put together a team that's not flashy, but will keep you competitive. And isn't that all we really want?

*This is not me
** Confession: I thought Brian Leonard would be good last year
***Also, he punches teammates in the face.

Seriously... Paul Byrd?

I mean... seriously? I know Wake is on the DL. And clearly, that Zink kid, the OTHER knuckler, isn't working out yet. But Paul Byrd? That's your answer to the rotation? I understand he's pitched very well since the All Star Break. Great for you Paul, congratulations on your success. But does anyone really believe he's the kind of guy to anchor the back end of your rotation in a pennant race? Does anyone trust him to slow down the mighty Tampa Bay Rays (god that still feels wrong) in September?

Alls I'm saying is if Beckett, Lester, and Dice-K don't all stay healthy... the Sox could be in some trouble. Buchholz and Masterson have proved they're going to need more time to mature, and Wake/Colon/Schilling are Old/Fat/Broken. I also want to point out that with the Sox current lineup, the headline "Red Sox get SP Byrd for cash" makes me worry we just traded our backup catcher. I think any deal like this from now on should read "Red Sox acquire player for cash moneys." Also, is it too late to start calling Kevin Cash, "Cash Moneys"? Yeah, you're right... it probably is.

I guess it could be worse. The rumors were they'd sign a different Cleveland pitcher... one with a 7.56 ERA, 1.92 WHIP, and 4 blown saves in 10 chances. Hey Paul, how would you feel about being on the same roster as that clown again?

Me too Paulie, me too.


PS: OMG, 19-17, OMG.

Insert Boondock Saints pun here:

I realize that things have slowed down considerably here at SPLP. Today is the first day it hasn't rained in Boston since May and the baseball regular season is entering the home stretch. How many more baseball posts can I write anyway? The NFL preseason is picking up steam with dumb injuries piling up by the second. (Damn you Donteezy! Don't be messing with my boy B.E. like that.) The USA Basketball team is set to take on some tougher competition in the quest to get back the gold in Beijing. Leon is no doubt rocking some intense offseason workouts and the last of the NBA free agents are signing with news today that Andre Iguodala staying in Philly. But in light of this apparent writing malaise, I thought I'd write a bit about someone who is facing a more serious kind of fatigue. An athlete who up until a few years ago, seemed destined for greatness and appeared to be blessed with infinite talent. (Here's a hint, he's the dude in the picture.)


Rocco Baldelli was drafted by the Tampa Ray Devil Rays in the first round of the 2000 amateur draft and made his debut with the team three years later. Baldelli was a star athlete at Bishop Hendricken High School in Rhode Island. (Warwick...ewww.) He was one year older than me but I never made it over there to see him play. I was clearly doing other constructive things in high school... Anyway, people in the area who did watch him were pretty heavy on the hyperbole in their descriptions. (Of course, one of the best athletes to ever come out of the Ocean State is not saying all that much.) But his rookie of the year caliber season in 2003 sure provided some validaty to all the buildup. Baldelli played 156 games, drove in 78 runs, had 27 stolen bases and hit .289. Oh yeah, he played a mean center field too. In fact, the next season, he led all major league center fielders in range factor. That year, he also cut his strikeout total by 40 and hit five more home runs. But Tampa Bay wasn't the juggernaut that they are now and anyone outside of Rhode Island and Florida weren't paying too much attention to this rising star. And unfortunately for the 6'4, 200 pound phenom, this is where this starting going south.


During the offseason following 2004, Rocco tore his ACL and was scheduled to be out until the All Star break. But during his rehab, he managed to hurt his elbow so severely that he needed Tommy John surgery. (Fun fact: Raiders kicker Sabastion Janikowski has had tommy john surgery. What?) It is rare that a position player needs the surgery but that put him on the shelf until June of the 2006 campaign. He came back in great shape however and again put up some good numbers. In 364 at bats, Baldelli had 16 homers and hit .302. So okay, minor setback but things were definitely looking up moving forward. Until he pulled a hamstring during spring training the next year. Well, compared to a torn ACL and an elbow surgery, a pulled hammy doesn't seem to bad. Here is where things go from south to just plain weird.

He played 35 games up until May 15th but was placed on the DL again because of the hamstring. He tried to come back but aggravated it again in a minor league game. Along with the continued muscle injuries, Baldelli started to notice that he began tiring very quickly during workouts. He missed the rest of the year. By now everyone was starting to wonder what the problem was. And even after extensive testing, doctors could only say that he was suffering from a "mitochondrial disorder" where his body wasn't producing enough ATP which is what the human body uses to power cells. (Biology, you scary!) After failing to comeback during spring training of '08, the team again put Baldelli on the DL with an unknown return date and also failed to pick up the option on his contract for the following year. Now don't get me wrong, Josh Hamilton is my boy, but he nearly threw away his gifts (and life for that matter) by abusing drugs before making a storied comeback this year. But using drugs was his choice. Rocco Baldelli didn't choose to have his body fail him.

Ironically, the Rays activated Rocco this week when both Carl Crawford and Evan Longoria went on the DL. He has played in two games so far and made a great diving catch that had everyone holding their breath. While he won't be able to play back to back games for the foreseeable future, Baldelli hopes to contribute to a team that is now poised to enter the postseason for the first time in franchise history. It is unsure whether or not he'll be able to play past this year or if a team will even take a chance on him. Perhaps doctors will be able to better diagnosis him and provide some sort of treatment options. But like Bo Jackson, Baldelli will probably go down in the history books as an athlete with unlimited potential and talent whose injuries destroyed what could have been a Hall of Fame type career. And like Bo, Rocco Baldelli deserves better.

Who needs Teixeira?

Adam Dunn is one happy dude because he is now in a pennant race. The Cincinnati Reds have agreed to trade him to the Arizona Diamondbacks for a minor league pitcher, and two players to be named later. After the Dodgers pulled the trigger on Manny, I remarked that the D'backs must be kicking themselves for not trading for Mark Teixeira. You all know my opinions by now regarding Arizona's pitching staff, (btw, Webb picked up win #17 last night) but Dunn will provide some desperately needed offense to a team that currently ranks 20th in MLB in runs. I know he strikes out a ton but that .901 OPS and 32 home runs are leaps and bounds above anything on their current roster. And this is also coming off the season ending injury to Orlando Hudson, one of the few guys doing anything remotely resembling production at the plate. The playoff race thickens...