My nomination for the Album of the Year Goes to...

Ben Utecht makes Chris Daughtry look like Hannah Montana.

You may know him as the former tight (and I mean TIGHT) end for the Indianapolis Colts.

Or, you may know him as the tight end for the stupid stupid Bengals.

However, I now know him as HUNKROCKSTARCOBAINMEATDOCTOR.

You look at this album cover and probably think "Wow, if Chad Kroeger dies, then we know who the new God of rock music is". You then pop in the CD, and the immediate sound that fills your ears is like a thousand beautiful women orgasming gloriously at your command.

With tracks like We All Bow Down (I believe this was written during his tenure with the Colts, and is obviously about Peyton Manning), Heal Me (an ode to the many trainers Utecht has had throughout his career), So Far Away (Carole King cover), Glimpse of Heaven (another song about Peyton I presume), and Run To You (written after this one time where Peyton Manning got sacked and Utecht was really worried and so he ran back to check on Peyton and see if he was ok or not and Peyton said he was ok but Utecht still was afraid for his safety and Dallas Clark only jogged towards Peyton to see if he was ok so him and Utecht got into an argument about the speed in which they should be checking on Peyton if he ever gets hit and this led to a restraining order by Peyton and thus Utecht is now a Bengal), this album is sure to be a hit!

James' rating: Five out of five stars plus a thumbs up and three smiley faces.

BROWNGASM!!!

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Guess who's birthday it is...

HOORAY PEYTON!

The greatest quarterback to ever play the game turns 33 today. Since Manning only gets better with age, he should be hitting his prime in about 5 years.

You are all invited to my Peyton Manning Birthday Party.

Monday Night Preview

Alright, so I'm maybe the only person in the world who would take the Colts at as large a blowout as I'm expecting, but there's very, very good reasoning behind this. You see, this one night, a few days ago, it might have been during the afternoon actually, or I might have just been high, but you see, I had a dream. In the dream the Colts were up 55-3 going into the fourth quarter. Titans fans were leaving the stadium in droves, Jim Sorgi was taking snaps, Chad Simpson was running the ball, and even though I don't think Chad Simpson in real life looks anything like the one I imagined, he was nasty.

Now, I had to give the Titans more points, because I have to be honest with myself. The Titans are good, and the Colts...well, they're not as good. A paper thin defense has plagued them throughout this season, snapping against running backs like a training bra on Elizabeth Hasselbeck. They looked unbelievably undisciplined, and having a part-time coach doesn't really help the matter.

Tim Hasselbeck gets to play with these. Any time he wants. I know, life isn't fair.

Penalties, a poor defensive scheme (not to the fault of Ron Meeks, more Polian and Dungy), and injuries have turned the Colts defense into a nightmare. Any good team knows how weak we are at stuffing the run. The Jags did it, the Bears did it, and now we're going against a team who has better backs than both those teams. Not to mention the Colts' offense has been underproductive and they'll be facing one of the toughest defenses in the game.

So how exactly do we even score points, let alone win? Easy.

1. We'll make Kerry Collins beat us. Give up the 70 yard fluke touchdown pass, focus on the run. I expect Lendale White to be the main guy they'll pound us with for the first half, and then once the team's been banged up a little, give the ball to explosive Chris Johnson. The Colts should be scheming against the run unashamedly. Don't even play any cornerbacks...replace them with Jamey Richard and Tony Ugoh on the line or something. Ok, maybe not that extreme, but when the Colts are told that their defense can't stop the run, they typically do things such as...stopping the run. Larry Johnson was supposed to run all over them in the playoffs two years ago. I think they held him under 50 yards.

2. It's Monday Night Football. Cleveland did it to New York earlier, but there hasn't been a massive upset since. Only New England over Denver last week really compares in the least, but the Broncos are overrated anyway. The NFL thrives on big wins in big matchups, and that's what will be delivered.

3. The Titans are overconfident. They should be 5-1, but a blown call against the Ravens helped them win. The same Ravens who Indy blew out just two weeks ago. Those two teams are very similar in playing style, and need their defense to hold up for their offense to have a chance. The Titans haven't given up more than 17 points this season. If the Colts can get a couple quick touchdowns and make Tennessee play come-from-behind, their offense will be in an unfamiliar situation. The Colts, while not great at rattling quarterbacks, take better advantage of those quarterbacks once rattled than almost any other team.

4. Back to the overconfidence thing. The Colts are underdogs, big time. The Colts haven't been an underdog in an AFC South game in years. The Titans haven't gotten used to being the overwhelming favorites. It seems in football that as soon as teams start getting touted as one of the best, they drop a game intentionally to make everyone doubt them. It also seems that the Colts do best when they're under the radar, when everyone counts them out.

5. The "it" factor. It's impossible to explain, but the Colts just have it. Things wouldn't feel right in the world if the Colts didn't win. I've been telling myself and other people this season that the Colts just love dramatics, and I truly believe that. The Colts have to win, which is why they will.

6. Peyton Manning. The dude's not about to go to 3-4. I can guarantee you he's been studying twice as much tape as usual and even has plans for the Titans' practice squad. Is he past his prime? Maybe, maybe not. The next 5-10 years will show us that. But regardless, he's still Peyton Manning and he's still the smartest player in football. What it comes down to is that Manning has the ability to lock into a team's defense so well that he eventually stops having to think. He just calls the play, audibles 7 times, snaps and throws. Manning has a great chance of doing this tonight.


7. Indy knows Tennessee very well. Yes, this means Tennessee also knows Indy very well, but I still think this gives the Colts the advantage. In a matchup of brains against brawn, brawn always wins if they execute correctly. There are several key elements different in Tennessee's offense and defense this season, but football teams don't completely change from one season to the next. There are still familiar elements to the Titans' game that the Colts know how to see and shut down, and once those holes are plugged, it gives them more time to focus on other parts of the game they might not be as strong at.

8. Discipline. While the Colts looked awful against Green Bay with the calls against them every three plays, that's probably one of the biggest things they worked on in practice this past week. I expect to see smarter play at the line and far less penalties. Also, if the referees are anything on the Colts' side tonight, half of those won't exist. Yes, I do believe there were some bad calls against the Colts this season...in fact, many of them. It's still no excuse though, as even without the botched calls Indy's still got too many penalties.

9. Bob Sanders is out. Why is this a good thing? Sanders may have been able to play, but in a crucial divisional game to stay above .500, he's being sat. To me, this means Dungy has confidence that the defense can fare without him. That, and Melvin Bullitt has done just fine in his place.

10. It's just going to happen like I said. The Colts are coming in to this game overlooked, and they're going to come out to ESPN headlines of "Titan-Sized Upset" or something stupid like that.

Seriously, just watch the game. Colts win big, no doubt in my mind.

They ain't gettin' any younger...

I'm still coming to grips with the fact that I'm going to have to wake up at 10:00am every Sunday and will be stuck watching the Chargers and Raiders. No more copious amounts of KFC and Mountain Dew while checking one of three laptops for constant fantasy updates. Yes, my NFL viewing habits will drastically change this season, but I'll just have to fight through it. Speaking of fighting through it (those transitions, just flawless), two of the best quarterbacks of all time are dealing with injuries heading into September. Both are absolutely irreplaceable, more so than any other players in the entire league. Both have won championships and have put up record setting numbers. They are both future Hall of Famers. And both currently have their head coaches forced to watch Matt Cassel and Jim Sorgi do...whatever it is that they do.


Peyton Manning answered all the doubters when he led the Colts to victory in Super Bowl 41. The Dan Marino comparisons were washed away and his legacy cemented. Having Marvin Harrison in his prime didn't hurt of course, but the 94.7 career QB rating speaks for itself. However, Manning is entering his 12th NFL season and turned 32 years old in March. He had surgery on his left knee back in July to remove an infected bursa sac. While he is only expected to miss at most the first regular season game, it's never a comforting feeling to have your starting quarterback have any kind of surgery less than two months before the season starts. How tentative will he be coming back? While his "laser rocket arm" might be healthy, it's Manning's knees that will continue to give him problems throughout the rest of his career. I don't know if there will ever be another quarterback like him who can call every single play right at the line. It's essentially running a hurry up offense every down. The Colts have been fortunate that guys like Reggie Wayne and Joseph Addai have emerged as premiere players in the league, but Indianapolis is a .500 team at best without Peyton. And in the AFC (and the AFC South in particular) that just ain't gonna cut it.

Tom Brady has a "foot injury." The last time he had a "foot injury" the New England Patriots lost the Super Bowl. In typical Belichick/New England fashion, no one is saying a damn thing about it. Brady turned 31 a couple of weeks ago but already has three Super Bowl rings. He's rich, he's marketable, and he's banging one of the hottest, richest women on the planet. So things aren't too bad overall for the former Wolverine. But at least with Manning, we know what the hell is wrong with him. Brady actually let it slip (against orders no doubt) that it is the same foot (right) that was hurt in January. And then of course there's the ubiquitous shoulder injury that has been listed on the injury report every week for what seems like forever. The Boston Globe reports that he did return to practice yesterday and may even play in the Pats' third preseason game. We'll see about that. After their third Super Bowl win, I thought it would be a smart move for Brady to retire right then and there. Of course, we wouldn't have been privy to the awesomeness that was last season. But does the New England front office see the writing on the wall? They drafted 6'6 QB Kevin O'Connell from San Diego State back in April. Between you and me, I don't see Matt Cassel or Matt Gutierrez ever successfully running an NFL offense.

Now if you're an avid NFL fan, I'm sure you're waiting in line to laugh at me and tell me that Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are second and third on the list for most consecutive starts among active QBs. I'm well aware. But with all that they have accomplished so far, and with the injuries starting to pile up, where does the duo go from here? Sure, both of their teams have a great shot at making the Super Bowl again this year, but what about 2009? 2010? Personally, I don't want to see either hang around for too long like some guys we know who will be throwing balls 10 yards past Jerricho Cotchery this season... Early 30s in NFL years is like late 40s in actual human time. (Probably way older for running backs and linemen.) So while I stumble out of bed earlier than anyone should on a Sunday just to watch sports, I'll have to rely mostly on highlights to follow two of the greatest players of all time try to stay healthy and grab another ring. Here's to watching Philip Rivers games instead...