Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

See James. See James run. See James run all over Adam Man, Scrob, Kate, Bullock, and Billy in fantasy football. See James makes ridiculously lopsided trades and get away with them because he lacks ethics. See James lose his friends because of fantasy football. While I'm on my way to Buffalo Billsing it up at 4-0 with a season high 184.99 points (no doubt that will be shattered at some point), I thought it best to take this opportunity for a little early season gloating (which I like to call Patriotsing or Cowboysing it up).

Giving you a description of my top 10 favorite things in sports ever might be a good way to introduce myself, so without further ado, this is James' favorite sports things in the whole world.

1. Peyton Manning. If this were a top 10 list of my favorite things ever, Peyton would still be at the top and miles above the rest. Air? No. Water? No. Sex? No. Peyton sex? Yes.


I would say my love for Peyton Manning began somewhere around April 18, 1998. I was a diehard Colts fan coming off another awful season, and it was like God himself handed a starving man a lifetime supply of corned beef hash. We could have been handed roast beef hash (#2 pick Ryan Leaf), but the Colts had their eyes set on a legend. Watching Manning go from a shaky, potential filled rookie into irrefutably one of the 5 greatest quarterbacks of all time (and I will make an argument any day of the week that he's #1) was one of the most enjoyable experiences a football fan can have. Because of Peyton Manning, I'll often call audibles at random places, like when I'm ordering at a restaurant or deciding what to wear for the day.


2. Eli Manning. I will be the first to admit it, I am a Manning fanboy. I have good reason to be too. My dad was a Giants fan before I had ever been a Colts fan, and the first Super Bowl I ever watched was XXV, where the Bills (Parcells and Belichick) dismantled the Bills (Buffalo), managing to scrape out a victory even with Jeff Hostetler at the helm. Once I became a Colts fan very soon after, I still had a soft spot for the G-Men, and I root for them every week except once every four years when they face Indy.

Anyway, Eli. At this point last year, Eli was maybe #7 or #8 on the list. The regular season was coming to an end, and the Giants barely got beat by the Patriots. I'd contend the Pats got a giant PI call in their favor, but after the outcome of the Super Bowl, I'll let them have that game. The playoffs hadn't started, and I called Eli Manning as Super Bowl MVP. I got laughed at. The Giants rolled into Tampa Bay and made Gruden walk the plank. They went to Dallas and lassoed Romo and Owens. They flew up to Green Bay and did something awful to Favre involving meat packing. Then of course, Tyree, Plaxiglass, etc etc, and we come to this...

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get to #2 on my list.

3. UConn basketball/football. Short answer: I'm from Connecticut, and after the Whalers abandoned us for Carolina, we had minor league baseball and UConn basketball. A few decent players have come through UConn over the years, you may have heard of them. Guys like Ray Allen, Richard Hamilton, Caron Butler, Emeka Okafor, Cliff Robinson, and of course the two Marshalls: Boston Celtic great Donny Marshall and former Timberwolf/Warrior/Jazz-guy/Bull/Raptor/Cavalier/Supersonic and now 76er Donyell Marshall all got their start in Connecticut.

UConn football is quickly taking over as my Connecticut team though. With the best running back in college (Yes, I said best, and if you disagree, look at Donald Brown's stats), a gigantic and glorious new stadium, and Darius Butler, who has the same disregard for his body that Bob Sanders has (and barring major injuries will be a first rounder this year), UConn football is more exciting than it's ever been in its long, dismal history. They're finally a top 25 team, and Heisman talk for Brown is finally making its way out of Connecticut and into other parts of the country. During the course of the season, expect a lot of Donald Brown Heisman pimpage from this guy. Two games over 200 yards, only one game under 150 (146), and just a touchdown short of being the current NCAA leader. That's how UConn does it.

4. Chipper Jones. Barring the coaches' son or some other kid would get to pick their number before me, I always took #10 after my baseball hero, Larry Wayne Jones. I played 3rd base like him, cheated all over my wife with Hooters' waitresses like him, and tried to copy his batting stance as best I could. Yeah, I struck out most of the time, but at least I struck out like Chipper would've struck out. I'm not the avid Braves fan I once was, but I will always have love for L-Wayne Jones. By the way, despite being plagued by injuries this season, my man Chipper still managed to sneak away with the National League batting title. How did he celebrate? I'll give you one guess.


4. Tony Dungy. It's hard to find someone who doesn't like Tony Dungy. He's classy, cool-headed, and on top of it, one of the smartest coaches in the game. A friend bought me his book Quiet Strength to read, but I keep getting sidetracked. I feel ridiculous for having decided to start The Brothers Karamazov first and getting Dungy after. I could have been done with Quiet Strength already and still have the knowledge that it will be approximately six months before I finish off TBK.

Dungy is one of the few coaches in the NFL who really bring the fans into their personal life. The tragic suicide of his son was felt by many people outside of the Colts community, and his handling of it on his way to an eventual Super Bowl was a testament to his great character. The Colts, always a well respected organization, have done nothing but benefit tremendously while he's been head coach.

5. Tom Brady. Yeah, I said it. Manning-boy loves Tom Brady. The truth is, I love to hate him, and hate to love him. He's a spectacle, and has helped create the two best possible seasons of football I could ever imagine for a Manning fan. Tom Brady going down for the season was initially the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. I had dreamed of the exact scenario...first quarter, first game, Brady's leg snaps in half and he's out for the season. After the intial celebration, I quickly came to my senses. Reasons being:

a. Tom Brady, love him or hate him is another of the top 5 quarterbacks of all time, and another person you could make an argument for tops on the list. I regret being too young to see Johnny Unitas or Frank Tarkenton, so being able to watch Manning and Brady is as good if not better. Peyton always says that quarterback is the hardest position to play in any sport, but last season Tom Brady made it look unbelievably easy. He made the Patriots look like football's Harlem Globetrotters and everyone else (except of course, the Giants and Colts), look like...whoever the Globetrotters play. It was incredible.



b. The Colts/Patriots rivalry really isn't that great unless Brady is involved. The two greatest quarterbacks of this generation squaring off is one thing, but Manning taking on Brady's backup is another. Aside from the Super Bowl, this is typically the most important game of the season for me. I hate to say it, but Eli Manning against Tony Romo will never be quite the epic battle the Manning/Brady matchups are.

c. It's taken the Patriots fans out of this season already. Maybe this is good for Patriots fans, as it'll weed out some of the bandwagoners, or sunshine Patriots as I call them. Last year, you couldn't shut them up about how this is the greatest team ever assembled, and last week they not only began leaving in droves before the fourth quarter, but they booed the team. One of the most prolific dynasites EVER loses their first game in over a year, and you boo them? I know this isn't most Patriots fans, but for anyone who has anything remotely bad to say about their franchise's performance after the past few years the team's given them...please hand your jerseys, hats and koozies over to a fan who deserves it.

There are plenty more reasons similar to these, but if you're a real football fan, you know that something's missing without Brady.

7. Everything fantasy. I used to try to avoid fantasy sports, as I thought it was for nerds. Once I came to the realization that I was in fact, a nerd, I felt more comfortable letting fantasy sports turn into an obsession. I love fantasy football, baseball, basketball, hockey... I've even played fantasy golf. Something about looking like a bigger sports guru than your friends (even though the only reason you took half your players is because the guys you wanted who end up being flops got taken the pick before you) sparks my ego. All who know me know I have an undeservedly large ego, and there's no better way to boost it without merit than fantasy.

I just finished 2nd place in both baseball leagues I was in, one roto, one H2H. Right now in both football leagues (basically the same guys, different sport), I'm 4-0 and 1-3. I'm sure I'll focus on my good league, as there's much more room for bragging right now. I think Adam already brought up my Manning to Manning trade. I was offered Peyton, I had Eli, and couldn't resist. Now I'm trying to, against my better judgment, get Eli back for the All-Manning powerhouse. They would also be a good 1-2 combo in a fantasy DSRL league.

P.S, since I wrote this blog, my 1-3 team just got a small bailout. My main problem was my receiving corps. I had Colston out, Roy Williams underperforming, and Santana Moss was the only guy putting up points. I realized Bobby Engram was still a free agent and snagged him, and another guy decided to drop Santonio Holmes. I love panic moves, and I love having a good waiver spot to begin the season, so I picked up Holmes. He'll improve and be a very valuable receiver. Last year he looked streaky, but during those streaks he was diesel. So at this point, I've got Santana Moss solidifed in my starting lineup, with Holmes, Engram, Justin Gage, Eddie Royal all very valid options for next week. I hate to bench Gage with his solid play since Collins took over as QB, and Royal has been fingertips and a fumble away from being a top 3 receiver. I love these decisions.

8. Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh. I heard some Olympic bloggers and writers and everyone else complaining that women's beach volleyball was overexposed this summer. I immediately boycotted them. I love May-Treanor and Walsh for the same reason every guy does; they're incredible athletes. They carry themselves with dignity, and show great sportsmanship. Just look at how close they are as a team.


Still don't feel me on them? Let's take a closer look at their team chemistry.

Ok, congratulations, you solved the mystery. I, like 90% of males, don't go to Hooters because I enjoy their wings, I don't tune in to the latest Pussycat Dolls video for their singing, and I don't watch women's volleyball for the athleticism. However, the difference here is: Hooters' wings suck, the Pussycat Dolls can't sing, but May-Treanor and Walsh are the most dominant duo in their sport. And I love me some booty.

9. Detroit Red Wings. I'm not so much a closet hockey fan as I don't talk about it because no one I know gives a rat's ass about hockey. I'm hoping I can start watching some non-Bruins game this season, as hockey has at least gotten a little bit more coverage each of the past couple seasons. Outdoor hockey is the way to go, real ice being flung down like golf balls definitely adds a different element to the sport.

So, being a Whalers fan, I had to go somewhere when they left. No way was I going to support them in Carolina, so I seceded. I had options...the Rangers, Bruins, Islanders, Sabres as far as teams in the area go. Instead though, I followed Brendan Shanahan to Detroit and settled there. Shanahan was barely a Whaler, and he wanted a trade after one season, but I figured the fact that we both had bad endings with Hartford meant I should be rooting for him. Anyone that loses a franchise knows how much that sucks.

The Wings had Shanahan, Yzerman, Federov, Osgood...all in their prime. Everyone knows those names, but no one knows Zetterberg, Rafalsky, Datsyuk or Cleary these days. Lots of great players. P.S. they also won the Stanley Cup. I bet at least one person reading this won't have known that.



10. Cooper Manning. You can't have both Peyton and Eli here and not think about what could have been. Imagine if Cooper had been as great at wide receiver as Peyton and Eli are at quarterback and made it on to the Colts or Giants? Manning to Manning touchdowns galore. Instead, a lingering spinal injury made Cooper the unsuccessful black sheep of the family. By unsuccessful, I mean that Cooper is just a partner at an energy research firm making an ass-ton of money.


Still, you can't help but wonder how great Cooper Manning could have been in the NFL. Cooper Manning, my blog posts are hereby dedicated to you and the greatness that almost was.