Sunday, November 23, 2008

Week 12 Picks

Hey there boys and girls. It's Adam Man here, and yes I'm still alive. First off I want to thank James for filling in last week while I was incapacitated. I know I've been getting a little lazy around here lately, but I assure you all I'm still fully committed to writing inane drivel that nobody will read. And you can take that to the bank.

Week 12 is here, and that means records are starting to mean something, fluke seasons are starting to turn into football fact, and most importantly that it's time for Marques Colston to catch a god damned pass. Seriously. Looking around the league, it seems that there is no Eastern Division team, in either conference, with a losing record. That's simply amazing. Almost as amazing as there being no NFC North team with a winning record. I can't figure out if that's the worst thing right now, or if it's the fact that a horrible Denver team has the inside track to win their division.

I know these are getting up late today, but the blame for that can be placed on the wonderful feast that is Turducken. That took up my entire Saturday and left me in a coma until late this morning. Anyway, enough of my rambling, here are the picks (featuring James' rambling).

Week 12 Picks:


Texans @ Browns (-3)
Adam: So I've decided to dub this the "Wow, We Really Expected This To Go Better" Bowl. Both teams came into the season with big hype that they were going to break out and become one of the next bigtime AFC teams. Now at 3-7 and 4-6 respectively, it's looking like another year of trying to figure out how to make that leap. Two games into the Brady Quinn era, the offense has scored 29 and 30 points in his two starts, good for 2nd and 3rd most points all year. Looking down the pipe, the Browns need this game as they've still got the Colts, Titans, Steelers, and a desperate Eagles team on their schedule. Houston, meanwhile, has been a very streaky team. A 4-game losing streak to start the year, followed by a nice 3-game win streak, but they've dropped 3 straight since then to some very good teams. With Cleveland, Jax, and Green Bay up next, I see another little streak coming on. I just don't see the Browns slowing Steve Slaton down, and Quinn is due for his first stinker game as a starter.
Adam's Pick: Houston wins, 24-20
James' Pick: Texans over the Browns 28-20

49ers @ Cowboys (-7)
James: The 49ers are playing to keep their dignity. The Cowboys are playing to keep their playoff hopes alive. This is a must-win for Dallas, and they know it. A big win over Washington last week kept America's team looking towards January, but it's far from a done deal. Can they get over their locker room drama? Will Tony Romo's homeless date show up at the game in a pink #9 jersey and jinx the team? Those questions will be answered Sunday. Later in the day, Washington's going up against Seattle, so the Cowboys know they MUST win. In must-win situations, Dallas has a tendency to stink worse than say...a homeless guy who hasn't showered in days sitting next to you in a movie theater. Mike Singletary wants this one bad, so while Dallas is a far better team, expect the Niners to come out swinging and take advantage of every opportunity they can.
Adam's Pick: Cowboys take it, 34-13
James' Pick: : Dallas gets a sloppy victory marred by Jessica Simpson, Terrell Owens, and Homeless Man bickering after the game about who Tony loves more. They all find out they're wrong as Romo struts out of the locker room holding Jason Witten's wrist. 24-18

Buccaneers @ Lions (+8)
James: We're actually going to see an 0-11 Detroit team on Thanksgiving. We might as well have fried cod instead of turkey, Jell-O pudding instead of cranberry sauce, and french fries instead of stuffing. Very un-Thanksgiving. That is, of course, as long as the Tampa Bay Buccaneers don't have the worst game of their collective lives. I won't buy that 'trap game' excuse if the Bucs lose, but facing off against New Orleans next week has to be in the back of their minds. Tampa Bay has come so far, yet still has a ways to go before securing a playoff spot. Jeff Garcia has come through for the second season in a row, not having secured the starting job prior to the season starting, but still ending up one of the league's most effective quarterbacks. Detroit hung around with Carolina last week, so an automatic win isn't necessarily the case for Tampa. As bad as the Lions are, the Bucs still have to play a good game if they want to stay with the Panthers in the division.
Adam's Pick: Bucs win, 21-17
James' Pick: Detroit saves Thanksgiving by winning 21-20

Jets @ Titans (-1.5)
Adam: I dunno about you, but that looks like a might tiny line to me for an undefeated team at home. Apparently people are convinced by the Jets and their 4-game winning streak. That, and it seems people know the Titans are good, but nobody believes they're good enough to take this streak all the way. As people have been pointing out all week, these teams actually have a lot of similarities. Big, fat, and ridiculously awesome run-stuffing Defensive Tackles (Jenkins and Face-Stomper Haynesworth); old, grizzled, ex-alcoholic QB's, quality running back tandems... it sets up nicely for an entertaining slugfest of a game. When it comes down to it, however, I really see the Titans being a little more physical, especially on D, and I have no faith in the Jets to win two big road games in a row. Plus, I'm really looking forward to predicting next week that the 12-0 Titans will lose to the 0-12 Lions on Thanksgiving. Oh, it's gonna happen. BA-LEE DAT!
Adam's Pick: Titans win a tight one, 28-24
James' Pick: Jets over the Titans 20-14

Bills @ Chiefs (+2.5)
James: It was too good to last. Buffalo was one of the hottest teams in the NFL, and they looked legit. Very legit. When they were 5-1, no one could see anyone but them winning the AFC East. Four games later and no one can see them doing anything but winding up dead last in the division. What happened to the Bills? I don't know, but it's not very fun to watch. Maybe Trent Edwards is still in his development phase. That would explain the three interceptions in the first quarter of last Monday's game. They weren't great plays by Cleveland's defense as much as they were easy giveaways. Rian Lindell continued the Bills legacy of going wide right, and if everyone else watching felt the same thing as me, it was destined to happen. It was like the Colts/Steelers game in '05 and the refs blew Troy Polamalu's interception call and the Colts held on for a field goal try. I knew before the kick that Vanderjagt would miss. Sometimes kickers are destined to miss. The positive from the Bills' game: Marshawn Lynch had his first 100 yard game this season (and in turn got me the 22 fantasy points I needed to win last week). They're going to need to have a big offense against the Chiefs if they want to outscore the red hot Tyler Thigpen, one of those rare gems that skips the developmental phase and goes straight to being uber-productive. The Chiefs need a win for their own sanity, and they've got a great shot at doing it.
Adam's Pick: Chiefs win it, 31-21
James' Pick: Kansas City hands Buffalo their 5th loss in a row, 34-24. Bills fans are sad. So am I.

Bears @ Rams (+5)
James: The Bears are in the best position to take control of the NFC North this week. While Minnesota and Green Bay are off facing the Jaguars and Saints, respectively, they get the lowly Rams who have gotten back to playing the Rams football we all expected to see this season. Chicago has an opportunity to brush off being on the wrong end of a blowout against the Pack last week with a victory in St. Louis. Steven Jackson's holdout injury and the Rams inability to stop good offenses such as Chicago's makes this matchup very favorable for the Bears. We'll see if their defense gets back to normal and they're able to either stay in first or take the lead outright.
Adam's Pick: Bears win, 20-14
James' Pick: Nothing special, Bears win 32-14

Patriots @ Dolphins (-1.5)
Adam: After only one win in 2007 the question is: are the Fins just happy to be here at the 5-win mark? Or are they hungry for more? The way they're playing, and the way they're talking, it suggests they're looking to keep this going. Meanwhile, all aboard the Matty Cassel bandwagon! Seriously, he's looking better and better every week, which I expected would happen for a guy with so little starting experience. 400 yards, 3 TDs, 60 rushing yards... it's pretty amazing the numbers he put up in last week's effort. That being said, he's still leaving some plays on the field that could be game changers. A lot of red zone trips are coming away as 3-pointers, and I think there's some value to the theory that Cassel is being told "Hey, no matter what you do, don't throw a pick." He's not taking many chances, in tight coverage, he throws it so far outside that it really looks like he's playing it safe. With how much confidence he seems to be getting, if they take the cuffs off, this offense could really take off.
Adam's Pick: The Pats look at some tape, stop the Wildcat, and win 31-17
James' Pick: New England over Miami 27-24

Vikings @ Jaguars (+1)
James: While I'm sure the Vikes would much rather be going up against St. Louis in a big week for the NFC North contenders, facing the Jaguars isn't much worse. The Jaguars, with a 1-4 home record, have been the epitome of mediocrity this season. When they win, they don't look that great, and when they lose, they look awful. Minnesota's the kind of team that Jacksonville can stay with and even beat if they're on their best game, but Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor really need to have a big game. MoJo is averaging 49.5 yards per game since running all over Denver for 125 yards a month and a half back. Minnesota missed a golden opportunity to beat the Bucs last week and take the division lead, so you know they're going to bring their best game possibly to Jacksonville.

Oh, who am I kidding? Brad Childress was hired to make sure that this team never gains momentum in crucial times, and a six game collapse is imminent. Watch as Adrian Peterson punishes the Jaguars' offensive line for 80 yards in the first quarter, and then gets 5 carries the entire rest of the game.

Adam's Pick: The Vikings take it 29-21, and the Jags continue to be who I thought they were.
James' Pick: Jags take it 25-21

Eagles @ Ravens (EVEN)
James: Seriously, you have to be a giant asshole to tie. It's worse than losing, absolutely worse. Bob, my Eagles fan friend, said he was actually hoping the Bengals kicked the field goal and won the game. You know how in like, 23% of all horror films, the tag line is “THERE ARE FATES WORSE THAN DEATH”? In football, there are fates worse than losing. Like tying, and being known as “the team that tied that one game”. Worse, when your slightly slumping quarterback who's always on thin ice in Philadelphia tells the media he didn't know there were ties in football even though MY MOM knows there are ties in football, you've got a serious, serious problem on your hands. The Ravens aren't a team who want to tie. They're pissed from getting embarrassed by the Giants, and frankly, they're a better team than the Eagles. Much better. This game's in Baltimore, and it's going to be a good one. Trust me. If the Patriots/Dolphins and Jets/Titans weren't going on, I'd probably have this game on at 1:00
Adam's Pick: Ravens win it behind Super Flacco's arm, 24-16
James' Pick: Ravens win big, 31-13, as the Eagles' offense never takes flight.

Raiders @ Broncos (-10)

Adam: As much as I think the Broncos are a bunch of frauds, I still understand that the Raiders are just horrible. They give up over 100 more yards per game than they gain, they are dead last in points scored. It's pretty bad when your fans are looking wistfully up at Daunte Culpepper in Detroit and wondering what might have been. For Denver, the Leatherhead Larson story is enough to give the Broncos good football karma and make sure they don't fall to an upset. That and I always have a hard time rooting against a white running back. Go Peyton Hillis go! Take the Mike Alstott torch and run like hell with it!
Adam's Pick: Broncos yawn to a 34-12 win.
James' Pick: Raiders beat the pants off of the Broncos 12-7 and still don't score a touchdown.

Panthers @ Falcons (EVEN)
Adam: What a big game here for both teams. The Falcons, your feel-good story of the 2008 season, sit at 6-4 and in 3rd place of a very strong division. If they were able to pull off this big win at home, they'd only be one game out of first place with 5 games to play. Even with the uphill climb ahead of them for this season... having an offensive core of young players (with quality personal character) has got to give Falcons fans plenty of hope for the future. The Panthers are playing beyond expectations this season (after being sleeper Super Bowl picks for the past few years) and have a chance to put some space between them and a division opponent. The Panthers live and die by the run (6th ranked rush offense, 17th ranked rush D) as to the Falcons (2nd and 22nd), so expect a quick game with lots of rushes and the clock moving pretty constantly. If I was a betting man? My money would be on the Burner to get the best of this one though.
Adam's Pick: Atlanta closes the gap and wins, 20-17
James' Pick: Panthers over the Falcons 37-34

Giants @ Cardinals (+4.5)
James: A lot of times when a team looks as good as the Giants do, it's because their strength of schedule isn't that great, making them look dominant against easy teams. You can't accuse the G-Men of that this season. They've beaten the Steelers, Cowboys, Eagles, and Ravens all in a row. Eli Manning's got one of the easiest jobs in football. Just hand the ball off to one of your three 70's disco/R&B band themed running backs, and occasionally throw to a receiver and hear about how well you spread the ball around. When your job is made this simple, and you're as good as Eli Manning, a lot of positive things can happen when you get the ball. Justin Tuck leads an absolutely dirty defense that no quarterback ever looks forward to playing against. Even if they're current MVP front-runner Kurt Warner. Warner, Matt Leinart's backup in preseason, is playing like he did with the Rams. Having Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, and Steve Breaston to throw to doesn't hurt either. It's the #2 offense facing off against the #2 defense. The Super Bowl MVP vs the guy trying to win regular season MVP. The Giants vs the Cardinals. Expect a huge game.
Adam's Pick: The Cards make the NFC a lot more interesting, winning 37-31
James' Pick: The Giants defense has a few hiccups, but is able to hold the Cardinals to just a couple touchdowns while cruising to 10-1. 37-21

Redskins @ Seahawks (+6)
Adam: Here we've got a team on a 3 game losing streak coming in to face a team on a 2-8 streak. The Seahawks have really been doomed by their geography alone this season, falling victim to the curse of Seattle. The injuries they've faced, plus another team in the division pretending to show the slightest sign of competence for the first time this decade, and they didn't stand a chance. This offseason should be very interesting with the expected departure of Holmgrem and the glaring need for an offensive shot in the arm. The Zorn era in Washington has been a roller coaster confidence ride. They really need this game, with tough matchups against the Giants and Ravens the next two week, if they want to stay in the NFC playoff race. The Seahawks are just trying to figure out if Beanie Wells is worth a top-5 pick. Count on the team with urgency winning this one.
Adam's Pick: Redskins stay in the hunt with a 31-13 win
James' Pick: Redskins over the Seahawks 24-10

Colts @ Chargers (+3.5)
James: Do you remember that scene in Rookie of the Year where the kid is facing his first major league pitcher, and the pitch comes in, but he's so scared and nervous that he just goes “ohmygodohmygodohmygod” the entire time? I think that's how the scene goes, but it's been a few years months since I've seen it. Anyway, that has been me this entire week. Part of me is excited on the prospect of going 7-4 while getting revenge on the team that has given us the most trouble these past couple seasons (including ending our season last year). Another part of me is scared to all hell that another nightmare like last season is going to happen. It doesn't get much worse than Peyton Manning throwing 6 interceptions and Adam Vinatieri missing a chip shot field goal that could have won the game, but the postseason wasn't on the line last year. Last time I was this nervous or a game was before the Colts/Patriots AFC Championship game in 2006. This is the biggest game of the season for any Colts fan, without a doubt.

This game is much, much different than last year's. For one, the Colts had just lost their first game of the season, and were just beginning to be hurt by injuries. This was when they started falling apart. The 2008 Colts went through that the first month and a half, and now they're healthy and gelled and much better than this point last year. Also, San Diego's pass defense was a bajillion times better than this year. In fact, the Bolts rank dead last in the NFL in pass defense. Also different from last year is that we don't have to worry about stopping Michael Turner. Instead, we get to focus on the lowly LaDainian Tomlinson and Darren Sproles. Ok, so that's not much easier, but still.

I just want the game to be over with already. I get nervous and start sweating and my heart starts racing during preseason games, so this one's going to be tough on me. Luckily, I have DVR now, so I can tape the game and go back to Faith Hill any time things aren't going so well.

Adam's Pick: Sorry James, I pick the Bolts over the Colts, 28-17
James' Pick: Colts 34-27. It'll be another 4th quarter comeback, because Peyton loves doing that and enjoys throwing it in the face of everyone that he can do it better than anyone ever. Colts go 7-4 and create some space between them and a couple other contenders, and I poop myself all over the place.

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