OH MY GOD. Everybody, everywhere, just shut up. Forever.

Or: You know what really grinds my gears?

Seriously, I know it's the slow season in sports, but if we could get through August without me hearing reference to any of these issues my quality of life would skyrocket. Here's a list of things that nobody can stop talking about right now which all lower my faith in humanity. To these people, please shut the hell up:

1. "Red Sox Nation": Just shut up. Seriously, I don't understand why 20 annoyed words in broken English can infuriate you so much that you want to jettison a guy who has been your OPS leader for 5 of the 7 seasons he's been here. A guy who your team has NEVER had a losing record with. A guy who has been instrumental to TWO World Series Championships, and who won the MVP for the first one in 86 years. Trust me, the guy makes the team better. And nothing in a press conference should ever change your mind about that. Just chill the eff out.
2. Al Davis: First of all, you decrepit Skeletor (Ed. Note - Mumm-Ra also acceptable) wannabe, if you decide you don't want to employ a player anymore, you do not get to decide where he signs when you cut him. You just don't. Secondly, there is no such thing as a Patriots/Raiders rivalry. You probably got screwed over by the Snow Game (read: Tuck Rule Game to those outside New England), and the Pats probably got screwed when there was a phantom pass interference call in the'76 playoffs. Oh, and your team paralyzed Darryl Stingley. Stop whining.
3. Homophobaphobes: Let's get something straight. The Nike HyperDunk ads were not homophobic. The point of them was not that nobody wants a crotch in their face. It was showing the flip side of a dunk poster, that it is incredibly embarrassing and demoralizing to get ferociously dunked on. You should be ashamed of your overreactions. You became the story, and you probably did more damage than the Nike ads ever would. Shut the hell up.
4. Brett Favre: No seriously, shut up. Just..... just shut up. That goes for anybody talking about him, too.
5. Tibetan Sympathizers: Um, actually you can keep talking. You guys are totally right.